And you can tell my progress has completely turned into un-gress.  De-gress?  Re-gress?  Anyway, I've been sucking at this health thing recently.  I've gained about 1o to 15 pounds back, depending on which scale you ask, and that, frankly, will not do.

Granted, the healthy eating went out the window around Christmas time, due to, well, Christmas.  Soon afterward, my fiance lost his job and we went to living on what we had saved up.  The result - grilled cheese, ramen, lots of pasta.  Basically, my diet went from being small portions with more lean meats and vegetables, to tons of carb and cheese.  Whatever we can afford, instead of what's best for us.

However, that has to change.  I've finally landed a job that will help pay the bills, meaning I can afford to splurge on some fruits and veggies here and there.  I've also decided that eating habits can change even if cooking habits can't afford to at the moment.  I can eat slower, and eat less.  Working on remembering that, but some decisions have been made, at the very least.

I'm tired of being fat.  It's the easiest way to say it.  The comfort of naps, sleeping in, lazing around and eating big meals of yummy stuff that inevitably makes me feel sick later... that comfort cannot come close to making up for the discomfort I feel with my own body.  I hate shopping, I always have.  I hate moving, I hate being in public, I hate mirrors, and I hate photographs.

So, in short, I'm giving this up.  Smaller portions, healthier ingredients, when possible.  Exercise.  Man, exercise.  I worked out for the first real time in a long, long time this morning, and I felt leaden afterward, but it's worth it.

I want to see my body change.  I want to see myself get better at something.  I haven't felt like I could conquer anything in my life in a very long time.  Many things have come easily to me, but health was not one of them.  School, sure.  I don't have to work to make good grades, so instead of improving in my education when I got to college, I've seen myself decline.

So it's time to take a stand for myself.  I'm going to work.  It's exciting, not scary or something to avoid.  What but good could come from these decisions?  What could possibly come from laying around doing nothing?

That's what I'm thinking, anyway.  No.  I'm done with thinking.  That's what I'm doing.

So there.