I find that if I let myself stop caring about what I eat and how much activity I get, I will sit on my butt in front of a computer snacking on Hershey Kisses and crackers without much thought about it. I will also eat things for dinner that I know I shouldn't. I guess it's just the habits that I've formed over my nineteen (almost twenty) years of existence that start resurfacing when I stop actively trying to quash them.

But that's the rub of my struggles, and that's no real excuse to give up. I'm more comfortable when I'm lazing about, but it's only a surface level. I'm comfortable with that lifestyle until I get up to use the bathroom and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Then I remember why I wanted to stop.

I haven't gained much in the way of weight in the month or so it's been since I've posted anything of substance on this blog. I still fluctuate around the 230 mark, meaning I've lost about 14 pounds. If you consider I used to weight around 260-280 at some point in my lifetime, then the achievement looks much greater, but I think that's just cheating to make my numbers look better.

But in that time I have not done much of anything. I still hold to the fact that changing my prescriptions did much of the work for me, and I am not okay with letting that be all I accomplish.

We're entering Winter-time, which is my favorite time of year, but God knows it's the worst for anyone's body and calorie intake. Considering Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts, paired with the biological imperative to fatten up for the cold season, I am facing an uphill battle, but I know I can do it if I just stop and think about what I'm doing and what I'm putting into my mouth.

So that's the first goal for this Season: SLOW DOWN.
Slowing down may seem counter-intuitive, but bear with me. I mean slow down the intake of food. Slow down how quickly I get up for a snack. Slow down my response to "I think I might be hungry" and "Oh that sounds delicious!"

Food and I have a bad relationship, and it's time to mend that. I use food for gratification, and food abuses me with weight and the psychological need to purge still pops up every now and then. And that's not healthy.

Slowing down how fast I chew, how fast I swallow, everything, can make sure I start to learn to tell when I do not need to eat any more. Savoring the flavors is worth more in the long run than scarfing it all down before pausing to think if I really like it all that much.

The second goal is: GET UP.

My Wii Fit is lonely. He'll be proud of my weight loss, but I will get a stern lecture from the little guy about how long I've been away, and I'll deserve it.

I don't want to commit myself to something huge. I've been feeling kind of ill and in pain lately from the season changing and my body working against me, but getting active certainly won't hurt me more than sitting down all the time does. Maybe 30 minutes a day. I'll work on it, but I think something needs to give.

So there we go. An update and some resolutions.

Take care, all.

So, given the past few weeks, I think I've lost more weight than at any other point in this dieting idea of mine. Which is good, but it's also bad, in a strange way.

See, before I switched my pills, I was paying close attention to what I ate. Now, I wake up in the morning and my weight has either decreased or stayed the same, basically no matter what I do. This is not a good prescription for the future, and I think I've come to realize that.

I haven't been ordering pizza or gorging on anything, really, just letting myself eat more than I should, and also neglecting to get any physical activity aside from walking around campus, which I avoid if at all possible because I'm lazy. So, that puts me in a delicate situation.

I'm well aware that this weight loss will plateau. Also, I'm approaching my week of bloating and weight-gain, so I need to start paying extra careful attention to how much of the carb-type stuff I'm ingesting, as well as sodium and whatnot. Basically, I just need to care like I did before.

The whole thing where I was trying and working out and getting nothing for it was typical of how my dieting experiments go, unfortunately. I try, and nothing works immediately, and I get discouraged. But, again, I have to remember - I didn't gain all of this weight in a month, and I won't be able to get it off again. I still have no desire to change my entire life to revolve around this, but I can do my part to feel healthier again.

And I also need to buy new pants soon, if I can get some sit-ups in. When I lose weight, it comes out of my butt and my boobs first, and that is danged annoying. My belly doesn't seem to go anywhere without some work, so I guess I'll get back to that, since I'm tired of my pants falling down my backside, but still feeling tight around my stomach sometimes.

My Wii Fit will yell at me, but maybe that's what I need right now. A good, swift, yelling at.

Alright, so all of that last post was kind of BS.

May have been regained this morning. The Wii Fit claims I'm back to my lowest on this journey so far, so maybe that's a good sign. Granted, the cramping of my loins means that this week could be a hell of its own design, but at least I'm back on track.

I'll have to get B to get the cake out of the house so I don't get tempted by it. Durn birthdays and their danger to my health.

Now that I'm back in school and Fiance is back in work, we are going about this a whole new way. Due to a shortage of income and stuff, we're limiting our nights eating out to once or twice a week. That will ensure that only the healthy stuff we have at home gets eaten more often than not, and we've both agreed to pack our lunches or eat at home instead of going out to lunch.

So I hope it goes well. At least at school I won't have much option for snacking poorly, and once I get home there's stuff there for me to eat. I'll also have shopping and laundry and housewife-like things to do while the big man's at work, so this is a fun change in general.

Here's to a new life. Same as the old life, but better!