So I think as the weather gets nicer out, I may start going on walks. It seems ridiculously hard to integrate activity into my normal sedentary life, but I know that once I start, it's easy to keep it going. It's just that starting part I'm struggling with.

I have a weigh-in at church this Sunday. I'm so afraid that it won't show any progress, again. Even though I've got my bathroom scale to finally agree that I've lost something, I keep messing it up. For every wise choice I make, a bad one seems to follow right after.

Eating less in a bowl of dinner, or a smaller lunch spread out over hours, seems to end up with me going back for seconds. I have to remind myself to wait, to make sure I'm not just eating too fast to realize how full I am.

I should probably also trim some carbs out of my diet. I hear it helps. It's sad, because I love bread so very much. But I can rely on whole wheats to carry me through. I did pick up some lower-cal snacks, like carrots and dill pickles and things. These are filling but not overly heavy on calories or fat.

At least I don't have an addiction to sugary sodas, and I should be grateful that fried foods make me ill. I know that a few years ago, I could eat fried stuff all the time and be happy, but now? My stomach basically regrets anything even cooked in a little butter. I know that doesn't seem like much, but I always joked that I was the worst fat kid ever. I can't eat pizza, doughnuts, chicken fried steak with gravy, anything that is stereotypically "fat person food." I mean, I can, but I really really shouldn't. On many levels.

So, yeah. My weight doesn't just drop. It tends to drop a couple pounds, then fluctuate around that level for a week. It's basically always a guessing game of +/- 2 pounds from whatever the weight is on the scale. I guess it's my own inconsistencies that cause that, but I also have very little cooperation from my body.

I did get my thyroid levels checked at my last doctor's visit, so maybe we can make sure my dosage of Synthroid (fake Thyroid hormones) is right. That would help with the weight thing, fo' sho'.

But in the long run, I know something is working. I feel less fat around my trouble areas, and my pants fit looser. It's strange, though. When I lose weight, I look in the mirror and I almost think I look bigger than I did before. It evens out eventually, but it's things like that that make me believe I have a very loose concept of what I actually look like.

When I see people who are obviously much heavier than myself, my first thought is "I wonder if that's how I look to other people." I don't know why. It's nothing against other people who struggle with obesity, it's more just stuff against me. So I strive for a realistic view of my own body, which is helped by having the Fiance around as a biased (in my favor) counterweight to my own thought processes.

So, here goes nothing. I'm gonna kick this eating right thing into hyperdrive for a few days to make sure I'm okay for Sunday. Then I'll keep working on tweaking everything until I look like a supermodel.

Or until I lose 10 pounds. Whatever.

So, like we all knew would happen, I cheated on Sunday evening and regretted it. I ended up gaining weight at the Weigh-In that morning (despite the fact that I know I've lost. His scale is 10 pounds heavier than the one in my bathroom, but even using a consistent source I know I've lost, so that should have been reflected. Whatever. Grr.), and I was just ready to enjoy myself instead of moping.

I ordered the chicken & salmon at Magic Time Machine, which isn't awful alone. But the mounds of mashed potatoes they were served on probably were. I ate half of it for lunch and the other half was dinner. That was all I had that day, but I still wish I hadn't.

I always forget that once I start eating better and cutting greasy, fatty foods out of my diet, I end up feeling ill when I have them again, even for a celebratory purpose. So, that's a good thing! It means even when celebrating I'll feel better with a wise choice.

But I'll miss you, mashed potatoes.

Today is Fiance's birfday! We will probably go have Razzoo's for dinner where the choices will not be easy, but I will survive. And we may go to Gameworks! Or just wander around the mall. That itself should burn enough pre-emptive calories before dinner.

I asked him yesterday if he'd be interested in walking ourselves around for dinner and evenings instead of driving to places, especially once the weather gets cooler. It looks like fun, and would be easier on my weight and my gas tank, for sure.

That's about all for now. I balanced my food intake yesterday and lost back whatever Magic Time Machine dumped on me. Yay! Now to just survive the hormone surge coming in the next week or so...

Water weight, hoooooooo!

As I may have mentioned previously, this journal/blog/diary/whatever is based in part off of wanting to begin a New Me Lifestyle Change Gaia Moon Thingy, and in part because my church is doing a weight loss challenge.

I have no real belief that I will be able to win this challenge, as it is based off of how much weight you can lose in 6 months. However! I would like to lose weight, and at least be something of a contender. It'll just take some work to see what fits my personal body type best as a Weight Loss Plan, and that's what this is for.

Along with tracking my hardships, complaints, general thoughts on the matter, victories, etc.

This morning marks our second weigh in since the program began. I lost 10 pounds according to them (Weeeeird scale, srsly) last month. I'm hoping to have not gained anything this time around, is all. Wii Fit says I've lost about 2.8 pounds, which is stellar! But I have to weigh in with clothes on and all the works, so I'm wearing close to the same outfit I did last weigh-in, and just crossing my fingers.

This week is going to be really difficult, though. Fiance's birthday is Tuesday, my sister's birthday is too, and we're doing celebratory dinner/lunch thing at the Magic Time Machine today. I guess they have a chicken dish? And our anniversary is coming up on Saturday.

Yikes. Celebration is the diet-killer!

Nah. I'll just work out more and portion what I eat. I know how to do this, it's just going to be making myself that'll be hard.

Ta, loves.