I find that if I let myself stop caring about what I eat and how much activity I get, I will sit on my butt in front of a computer snacking on Hershey Kisses and crackers without much thought about it. I will also eat things for dinner that I know I shouldn't. I guess it's just the habits that I've formed over my nineteen (almost twenty) years of existence that start resurfacing when I stop actively trying to quash them.

But that's the rub of my struggles, and that's no real excuse to give up. I'm more comfortable when I'm lazing about, but it's only a surface level. I'm comfortable with that lifestyle until I get up to use the bathroom and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Then I remember why I wanted to stop.

I haven't gained much in the way of weight in the month or so it's been since I've posted anything of substance on this blog. I still fluctuate around the 230 mark, meaning I've lost about 14 pounds. If you consider I used to weight around 260-280 at some point in my lifetime, then the achievement looks much greater, but I think that's just cheating to make my numbers look better.

But in that time I have not done much of anything. I still hold to the fact that changing my prescriptions did much of the work for me, and I am not okay with letting that be all I accomplish.

We're entering Winter-time, which is my favorite time of year, but God knows it's the worst for anyone's body and calorie intake. Considering Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts, paired with the biological imperative to fatten up for the cold season, I am facing an uphill battle, but I know I can do it if I just stop and think about what I'm doing and what I'm putting into my mouth.

So that's the first goal for this Season: SLOW DOWN.
Slowing down may seem counter-intuitive, but bear with me. I mean slow down the intake of food. Slow down how quickly I get up for a snack. Slow down my response to "I think I might be hungry" and "Oh that sounds delicious!"

Food and I have a bad relationship, and it's time to mend that. I use food for gratification, and food abuses me with weight and the psychological need to purge still pops up every now and then. And that's not healthy.

Slowing down how fast I chew, how fast I swallow, everything, can make sure I start to learn to tell when I do not need to eat any more. Savoring the flavors is worth more in the long run than scarfing it all down before pausing to think if I really like it all that much.

The second goal is: GET UP.

My Wii Fit is lonely. He'll be proud of my weight loss, but I will get a stern lecture from the little guy about how long I've been away, and I'll deserve it.

I don't want to commit myself to something huge. I've been feeling kind of ill and in pain lately from the season changing and my body working against me, but getting active certainly won't hurt me more than sitting down all the time does. Maybe 30 minutes a day. I'll work on it, but I think something needs to give.

So there we go. An update and some resolutions.

Take care, all.

I caved in today.  We were debating what sounded good for lunch, and I, in full control and consciousness of my own actions, drove us to KFC and got us some chicken.  And I ate some mashed potatoes and corn on the cob and biscuits and some chicken.

So, like we all knew would happen, I cheated on Sunday evening and regretted it. I ended up gaining weight at the Weigh-In that morning (despite the fact that I know I've lost. His scale is 10 pounds heavier than the one in my bathroom, but even using a consistent source I know I've lost, so that should have been reflected. Whatever. Grr.), and I was just ready to enjoy myself instead of moping.

I ordered the chicken & salmon at Magic Time Machine, which isn't awful alone. But the mounds of mashed potatoes they were served on probably were. I ate half of it for lunch and the other half was dinner. That was all I had that day, but I still wish I hadn't.

I always forget that once I start eating better and cutting greasy, fatty foods out of my diet, I end up feeling ill when I have them again, even for a celebratory purpose. So, that's a good thing! It means even when celebrating I'll feel better with a wise choice.

But I'll miss you, mashed potatoes.

Today is Fiance's birfday! We will probably go have Razzoo's for dinner where the choices will not be easy, but I will survive. And we may go to Gameworks! Or just wander around the mall. That itself should burn enough pre-emptive calories before dinner.

I asked him yesterday if he'd be interested in walking ourselves around for dinner and evenings instead of driving to places, especially once the weather gets cooler. It looks like fun, and would be easier on my weight and my gas tank, for sure.

That's about all for now. I balanced my food intake yesterday and lost back whatever Magic Time Machine dumped on me. Yay! Now to just survive the hormone surge coming in the next week or so...

Water weight, hoooooooo!